Girl Discovers Secret Letter Her Adoptive Parents Kept Hidden For Two Decades
Kati Pohler enjoyed a regular life while growing up in the small-town of Hudsonville, Michigan. As a Chinese girl with white parents, her parents never hid the fact that they had adopted their little girl. However, Kati felt happy, so had no need to dig into her past. She had no idea who her birth parents were, all she knew was that they came from China. Furthermore, she didn’t know how much they had sacrificed to protect her from dangers far beyond their control.
When they gave her up, Kati’s birth parents included a heartbreaking letter with a tragic request for whoever adopted her. Unfortunately, Kati’s biological parents kept the letter a secret to protect their new daughter. However, two decades later, the truth finally came to light. Afterward, Kati’s life changed forever…
1. A Young Couple
Qian Fenxiang, above left, and Xu Linda, above right, were just a couple of teenagers when they first met in their home of Baoying County, in the province of Jiangsu, China. For the first few years, the two simply dated, getting to know each other. Then, in their early 20s, they married and started their lives together.
Unfortunately, life didn’t come as easy for them, as they had to work long hours to bring food to the table. However, Linda and Fenxiang were hardworking people, and after they moved to the city of Hangzhou, they found a relatively good job. They had to live on the outskirts, but it was better than nothing. From there, the blessings kept coming…
2. An Awkward Delivery
The couple was lucky enough to find a job in the scrap trade in the city of Hangzhou. They became even more fortunate when the business really took off in the ’90s. Then, they received even more good news: Fenxiang was pregnant. Both wanted to start a family, so they felt ecstatic. For the first time since they married, things looked good!
However, the only housing facility that they were able to find was far away from the city. So, when Fenxiang went into labor with their first daughter, the father-to-be had no other alternative but to put his wife on the back of his tricycle. Then, Linda peddled as fast as he could to the closest hospital. Even before the baby came, Linda proved himself one of the world’s best dads.
3. Growing The Family
Despite all of the hardships the couple faced along the way, they couldn’t help but feel joy for the arrival of their new baby girl, who they named Xiaochen. She became the main reason why Linda and Fenxiang kept trying to make the best out of every situation. Like most parents, they wanted to ensure their daughter enjoyed a better life than they did.
The couple felt confident things would turn out for the best. So, the new parents felt optimistic that they could give their baby girl a happy and fruitful life. However, the thought of raising her as an only child made them feel uncomfortable. Therefore, the pair took the life-changing decision to give Xiaochen a sibling. Unfortunately, the couple was about to face yet another hurdle on the way…
4. A Ruthless Law
As a part of a birth planning program designed to control the size of China’s population, the government implemented a one-child policy in 1979. In stark contrast to the freedom found in most countries, China enacted the ruthless law as a last ditch effort to reduce population and poverty. Later, the government modified it, slightly: rural parents could have a second child, but only if their first was a girl. Some found this a step in the right direction. Others could not look past the modification’s blatant sexism.
Worse still, the punishments for breaking the law were just as ruthless and cruel. First-time offenders could expect steep, nearly unpayable fines, while repeat offenders risked sterilization. Thankfully, the government eliminated the policy at the end of 2015. However, at the time, China’s one-child policy remained in place…
5. China’s One-Child Policy
Linda and Fenxiang had already set their minds to the idea of conceiving a second child. However, there was only one problem: China’s One-Child Policy. Still, regardless of the consequences that came along with having a second child in China, the couple believed they could get away with a second child. Especially since they lived so far from any government eyes!
“We thought we could get away with it since we lived so far away from the family planning cadres in our village,” Xu later recalled. Unfortunately, they would learn that no one can hide from the brutal regime. Sooner, rather than later, they would face the consequences of their decision…
6. Considering Other Options
In 1995, Fenxiang found out she was pregnant with a second child. For a few minutes, the two discussed the possibility of terminating the baby, realizing the trouble they could get into. If anyone found out about the baby, their child would never see the light of day. However, they could not do it.
“I would have felt so sorry if we had aborted her. I thought that even if we couldn’t afford to raise her, we could give her away,” Linda said to the South China Morning Post. Nevertheless, Linda and Fenxiang needed to come up with a plan. And, in time, they finally had one.
7. Terrifying Possibilities
During the pregnancy, Linda and Fenxiang lived their lives in terror, horrified that the police would discover them. Every night, they worried that the authorities would come knocking on their door. While on the street, every single person could be a spy that would notice Fenxiang’s baby bump. Paranoia took over their lives.
So, for the last six weeks of her pregnancy, Fenxiang maintained a low-profile. They developed a pretty good plan: the mother hid on a secluded houseboat, about 75 miles from Hangzhou, on the Suzhou canal. There, the remaining weeks passed and, before they knew it, the scariest moment of their lives arrived.
8. A Threatening Birth
The birth presented the most dangerous part of the couple’s journey. When Fenxiang’s water broke, the pair knew they could not go to the hospital, or otherwise, they might kill the baby at birth. So, they needed to deliver the baby themselves. When the time came, Linda grabbed a pair of sterilized scissors with boiling water. Once again proving himself an incredible father, Linda cut the umbilical cord.
Afterward, some complications with Fenxiang did arise. The couple found themselves needing to seek help from a physician. Thankfully, a doctor they knew took care of her without ever seeing their new child. While the friend knew what happened, he promised he would never tell another soul. Unfortunately, this solved few of Linda and Fenxiang’s problems. Their second child was a girl, making things even more challenging…
9. Protecting Their Newborn Child
After Linda and Fenxiang held their newborn daughter, Kati, they knew they would do anything in their power to protect her, even if it meant sending her away. With the arrival of their new daughter, the couple decided to move ahead with their only option: putting Kati up for adoption.
While it broke their hearts into a thousand pieces, they knew it was the only thing that would keep Kati safe. So, Linda and Fenxiang planned to take her to a nearby vegetable market where they would leave her in a covered, popular place. They felt confident someone would find her.
10. A Heartbreaking Farewell
Linda and Fenxiang couldn’t wait any longer if they wanted to ensure their daughter’s safety. “On the morning of the third day she was born, I prepared her milk, I held her and hugged her for a while. Then I walked to the market. She didn’t cry. She was asleep. I kissed her gently. I knew it was the final goodbye,” recalled Fenxiang.
Despite the immense pain they felt, the couple knew they made the right choice. If Kati remained in their care, she, and their other daughter, would remain in grave danger. This way, Kati would have a chance to grow up safe. And maybe, just maybe, the family would reunite in the future. In fact, Linda and Fenxiang had a plan to help them find their daughter in the future.
11. She Deserves an Explanation
Linda and Fenxiang knew that, in the future, their daughter might want to understand why her parents gave her up. They did not wish Kati to think they didn’t want their beautiful daughter. Furthermore, she might want to meet them! So, they came up with a plan to tell her everything she needed to know.
The heartbroken couple decided to leave a letter with Kati, to explain their decision and why they left things the way they did. Hopefully, the girl’s adoptive parents would give her the message, when the right time came. However, with little paper and less time, Linda and Fenxiang still needed to decide what to write in the letter…
12. The Touching Handwritten Letter
Linda and Fenxiang poured their emotions into a handwritten letter. They left it with their little girl, along with a special request. Heartbroken, their request was the only thing that gave them hope. Maybe, one day, they would see their daughter again.
“Our daughter, Kati, was born at 10 a.m. on the 24th day of the seventh month of the lunar calendar, 1995,” the letter began. “We have been forced by poverty and affairs of the world to abandon her. Oh, pity the hearts of fathers and mothers far and near! Thank you for saving our little daughter and taking her into your care. If the heavens have feelings, if we are brought together by fate, then let us meet again on the Broken Bridge in Hangzhou on the morning of the Qixi Festival in 10 or 20 years from now,” it finished.
13. Kati’s Fate
So, just like that, Linda and Fenxiang left their daughter Kati at the vegetable market they selected. Thankfully, the couple was right, and someone found her soon after. The person who found her first brought her to a police station. Afterward, officials took Kati to the Suzhou’s Children Welfare Institute, where they took over her case.
The three-day-old baby girl started growing up, getting healthier and stronger by each day. For a little over a year, the baby girl stayed in the case of the Suzhou’s Children Welfare Institute. However, shortly after her first birthday, everything changed for little Kati…
14. A Huge Turn Of Events
Meanwhile, in America, there are over 2 million American parents actively looking to adopt. This means for every American child placed up for adoption, over thirty families are looking to adopt that child! So, services often bring over children from other countries who need families. Bethany Christian Services, one of the most famous adoption agencies in America, frequently arrange visits to different orphanages in various countries for American couples.
This time, the agency had arranged for ten American couples to travel across the world and visit the Suzhou’s Children Welfare Institute. All ten couples were looking to adopt daughters. As mention before, China’s one-child policy favorited boys over girls. So, the orphanage was filled with girls. Kati, a sweet one-year-old, quickly caught one couple’s particular attention.
15. Meet The Pohlers
Ken and Ruth Pholer, from Hudsonville, Michigan, joined Bethany Christian Services’ trip to China. Despite already having two children of their own, the Pohlers felt determined to adopt a daughter.
“We didn’t really think it mattered which country we adopted from,” Ken Pohler said. “But we have a brother-in-law who is Chinese, and Ruth’s sister adopted from China, too, which was neat.” So the couple visited the Suzhou’s Children Welfare Institute. And, when they laid eyes on little Kati, they instantly fell in love. They didn’t waste any time, and soon, Kati became their adopted girl! However, their new daughter did not come alone…
16. Finding The Secret Letter
Along with the adopted girl, the agency also gave the Pohlers Kati’s birth parent’s letter. Of course, they didn’t speak Chinese, so the couple had no idea what the content of this letter was. Once they left the agency, the Pohlers turned asked their translator to read them the letter aloud.
When the translator started reading the letter to the couple, they couldn’t believe what it said. Ruth burst into tears, moved by Fenxiang and Linda’s heartfelt message, and she wasn’t alone. “[The translator] was so moved by it, she was in tears while she read it out to us,” Ken commented. Despite them knowing the importance of it, the couple had to make a decision on whether or not they should show it to their daughter.
17. Making Life-Changing Decisions
After some hard thinking and deliberation, the couple felt the right thing to do was keep the note a secret. They felt that letter would simply complicate their daughter’s life, who would already have it hard as an adopted girl. In time, when she became more mature and able to understand, they would reveal the letter to her.
The Pohlers believed that when Kati became an adult, she could receive the letter. Although it would likely still hurt, she might one day need to know. However, the Pohlers also agreed they would only show her the message if she became curious about her past.
18. An All-American, Adopted Girl
After Kati arrived at her brand-new home in Hudsonville, Michigan, and while growing up, little Kati Pholer had no reason to question the world she grew up in. The Pohlers made sure she enjoyed a healthy, happy life in their small town. Her parents loved her just as dearly as she loved them.
Growing up in Michigan, Kati enjoyed a typical American childhood, including plenty of friends, learning musical instruments, and playing multiple sports. As far as Kati is concerned, she was just another American Kid. “I had a solid, good childhood,” she said. “Everyone knew I was adopted, obviously, so I was never asked about it…”
19. Welcome to the Family
In no time, Kati became a loved and accepted part of the entire Pohler family. Everyone adored the newly adopted girl and looked out for her. The Pohlers are also deeply religious people, so they attended church every week, strengthing Kati’s core values. This also enabled Kati to become part of another tight-knit community.
Kati is proud of the religious family she grew up in. As for her two elder brothers, she said: “My two brothers are quite a bit older. I guess if I felt different, it was because I was the youngest, and I was a girl.” Still, Kati’s life got better and better with the Pohlers.
20. Cherished Memories
As Kati grew, she became a beautiful young lady who excelled at nearly everything she did. Taking a peek into the Pohlers’ family photo albums, we see plenty of photos like the one above: Kati traveling and enjoying life, alongside her parents. She also regularly competed in track and field competitions, winning them often.
However, she enjoyed some sports, Kati particularly loved playing the piano and viola. Still, she led an active, outdoorsy life and was always a happy and healthy kid, constantly playing with her brothers. She had everything she could ever ask for and more. Unfortunately, in time, Kati started to realize that she didn’t match everyone else…
21. An Adopted Girl’s Curiosity
While she was happy and grateful for the family she grew up with, there were days Kati was curious about where she had come from. However, Kati chose to keep most of the question to herself rather than asking her parents. She understood what adoption meant, and could put two and two together. Still, sometimes Kati could not help but ask questions…
Sometimes Kati would ask her mother: “Did I come from your tummy?” and Ruth would answer, “No, you didn’t come from my tummy. You came from a lady’s tummy in China, but you came from my heart. You were born in my heart.” Kati seemed satisfied with her mother’s response so she’d run off and get preoccupied with something else.
22. Back in China
Meanwhile, back in China, time marched on as if nothing happened. Kati’s biological parents opened a second-hand electric appliance store. Linda and Fenxiang worked tirelessly, week after week, to support their eldest daughter and themselves.
Over the years, the couple saved up enough money for a two bedroom apartment, after years of living in poverty. On the outside, it might have seemed like they forgot all about Kati. However, Linda and Fenxiang never forgot ]their beautiful daughter for a minute, nor the promise to meet again one day. The letter specified they would be waiting at the Broken Bridge on the day of the Qixi Festival. So, in 2005, without knowing if their daughter would be there, the couple maintained their promise.
23. The Decade’s Mark
Linda and Fenxiang prayed that Kati’s adoptive parents had received the note, and they would honor their wish to see their daughter again. On Kati’s 10th birthday, the family went to the bridge with the hope that they might finally see their baby girl again, after a decade of being apart.
“We got there early, and we carried a big sign with our daughter’s name and words similar to those we used in the original note,” Linda told BBC. He also recalled how awful waiting felt, the hours slowly passing by. Linda said they wanted to run up to every little girl they saw on the bridge. Unfortunately, all they could do was wait with hope.
24. The First Attempt Failed
Kati’s birth parents waited, patiently, the whole day. However, by the time 4 p.m. rolled around, they had the feeling no one was coming. Soon after, the couple decided to head back home. They felt horribly defeated, but they were not ready to give up yet. After all, this only marked Linda and Fenxiang’s first trip to the bridge.
They had no idea that the Pohlers had indeed received the note with the adopted girl. Furthermore, they hadn’t ignored Linda and Fenxiang’s request. All the way across the globe, the couple had been talking to a friend of theirs who often traveled to China for business. Kati’s adoptive parents came up with a plan to let the birth parents know their daughter was safe. Unfortunately, they were too late.
25. Reaching Out The Birth Parents
The Pohlers wanted to let Kati’s birth parents know their daughter was adopted by a family who adored her, and she was in a good home. So they turned to a family friend who often traveled to China for business. In turn, he had a friend named Annie Wu who could, and would, help the Pohlers get a message to Kati’s parents. They asked Wu to go to the Broken Bridge and find Linda and Fenxiang. Meanwhile, they elected not to tell Kati, not wanting to involve her as she had never really asked about her parents.
Sadly, Linda and Fenxiang had already left by the time Annie Wu got to the bridge. She looked around for any distressed-looking parents but with no luck. However, when Wu was just about to leave, she noticed something that captured her attention.
26. A Helpful Resource
As Wu started to depart the bridge, she spotted a news crew filming a piece about the ongoing festival. Wu decided to approach them and asked them if she could review their video to see if she could find Kati’s birth parents. The crew, touched by the story of this adopted girl, immediately agreed.
Wu’s quick thinking paid off rather quickly. While reviewing the footage, she managed to spot Kati’s parents standing on the bridge, holding up a big sign with their daughter’s name on it! Soon, the news crew started to focus on the tragic yet incredible story of a Chinese couple forced to give up their daughter at birth.
27. National Television Step In
The news crew decided to share Linda and Fenxiang’s story in both television and newspapers. Fortunately, one of the couple’s friends from Hangzhou saw a report on television and reached out to them. From there, Linda and Fenxiang contacted the news station and made plans to meet Annie Wu.
Linda and Fenxiang felt so thrilled that they rushed into the news station to meet Wu. When they met, Wu gave them a couple pictures of their daughter and a letter from the Pohlers, assuring them they would be in touch again. Kati’s birth parents felt reassured that Kati was fine. However, there were eager to hear more about their adopted girl. Little did they know that would not be possible…
28. Breaking Ties
When the Pohlers found out that their story had been broadcasted across China, they weren’t happy at all. They backed out and decided that, at this point, the best was to break ties with Annie Wu and Kati’s birth parents. The Pohlers believed Kati was still too young to handle all of this. They didn’t want to confuse the adopted girl by bringing her past into her present.
“We took what we could from Annie, and saw no more need for contact. We thought that we should wait for Kati to grow and see if she wanted more information. She’s our daughter. Yes, she has her birth parents, but a deeper relationship with them would really complicate matters,” Ruth later said.
29. The Perseverance of Parents
Linda and Fenxiang were heartbroken when they learned the Pohlers no longer had had any interest in meeting again. However, they didn’t want to give up and continued to visit the Broken Bridge every Qixi Festival for another 10 years.
“Since 2004, I have visited the Broken Bridge every year. I knew there wasn’t much hope, but I still kept waiting,” Linda told the South China Morning Post. In their eyes, they still had another chance: in the letter, they also specified they should meet on the bridge when Kati turned 20-years-old. They decided to continue to arrive at the bridge every Qixi Festival, until their last day, even if she never showed up. However, something miraculous was about to happen that would change the course of events to their favor.
30. A Second Chance
Another chance for Kati’s birth parents presented itself some ten years later. A documentary filmmaker, Chang Changfu, was making a short film on Chinese children adopted when a friend told him about Linda and Fenxiang’s story. He found the story moving and believed he could track down Kati’s adoptive parents.
Changfu also reached out to Linda and Fenxiang, meeting them. After seeing their desire to see their daughter, he was determined to track down the Pohlers at all cost. He began searching through the internet for any mention of a Chinese girl adopted by Americans in Michigan. Unfortunately, nothing turned up. Still, Changfu remained persistent and kept trying.
31. Searching for Clues
Luckily, after meticulous research, Changfu did find an online message broad for American parents with adopted children from Suzhou’s Children Welfare Institute. That’s where he spotted a message from a “Ken Pohler,” mentioning his daughter had a knee problem from rheumatoid arthritis.
Changfu did some more digging and found a picture of Ken online that matched the man in the photo Annie Wu had given to Kati’s birth parents. He tracked the Pohlers down, but they were reluctant to participate in the film. They decided not to stir up Kati’s past and therefore turned down the offer of meeting Linda and Fenxiang on the Broken Bridge. Once again, it seemed as though Linda and Fenxiang would never see their daughter again.
32. Ready For College
Meanwhile, overseas, Kati had no idea what was going on. All this time, she graduated from high school and then attended Calvin College dual-majoring in public health and music. After turning 21-years-old, Kati decided to move to Spain for a semester as an exchange student.
She realized her new classmates might be curious about her origins, but she had no idea where she came from. It was at that moment she decided it was time to have a chat with her parents and ask them if they had any information about her past. Without knowing, Kati began a path that she could never turn back from.
33. The One Million Dollar Question
The Pohlers had said that if Kati’s ever became interested in her past, they wouldn’t hide the truth from her. Furthermore, Kati now seemed old enough to handle the sensitive information. While they were in the car one day, Kati decided to pop the question: “What do you know about my adoption?” After all the years, Kati’s mother decided to tell her about her past as an adopted girl.
“Well, we should tell you that we actually know who your biological parents are,” said Ruth. This rocked Kati’s world. The adopted girl could not believe they had kept the information from her for so long! Meanwhile, Kati could also not help up feel terrified at the prospect of meeting her birth parents. No surprise, it took Kati quite some time to sort through everything inside her head…
34. Planning a Meeting
After taking some time, Kati reached out to Chang Changfu and told him she wanted to meet her birth parents. Afterward, Changfu arranged a meeting between the adopted girl and her birth parents at the Qixi Festival on August 28, 2017. Changfu also made some other plans, to fill out his documentary. A couple days before, he met Kati at the vegetable market where her parents had left her. It blew her mind thinking how far she had come, before she could even talk…
After seeing where she started her journey, all that Kati had left to do was meet her parents. This adopted girl would finally meet her parents, after so many years. However, while everyone felt excited, they also had some fears and reservations…
35. Fears and Insecurities
“I think my biggest fear in meeting my biological family is that somehow I’ll disappoint them more. In a lot of ways, obviously, they feel like they’ve let me down. But I also know how much pain they have gone through,” Kati shared in the days before the meeting.
However, although she didn’t know it, Kati’s birth parents felt the exact same. “What can I say to her when we meet? Would it help to say sorry? No. Ten thousand sorries wouldn’t be enough,” Linda said to BBC. On the other hand, Fenxiang, who was feeling very emotional, knew how she would react: “I will absolutely and uncontrollably throw myself at her and beg her for forgiveness.” The reality was, nothing could prepare them for the meeting they had waited for…
36. The Heartwarming Meeting
Changfu wanted to prevent Linda and Fenxiang from seeing Kati before the scheduled reunion. However, Annie Wu was back in the picture and let them know Kati had already arrived in China. Excited, they rushed to her hotel; however, Kati turned them down, feeling too overwhelmed. She needed more time. The couple felt hurt, but they know they would get their chance soon at the Broken Bridge.
When Kati went to the bridge to meet her birth parents, Fenxiang couldn’t help to break down and sobbed while clinging onto her daughter. “I’ve finally seen you. Mommy is sorry,” Fenxiang exclaimed. “You look so much like your mom, but you don’t know what I’m saying,” Linda said, realizing Kati couldn’t speak Mandarin.
37. Finally At Home
22 years after her birth, Kati finally got to meet her biological parents. After the meeting, they invited her to stay for two days in her sister Xiaochen’s room. All this time, Kati didn’t even know she had a sister! During their time together, he tried her best to communicate with the little English Xiaochen knew. Linda and Fenxiang also took Kati to their hometown, where she met her grandmother, who had suffered a severe stroke a few years ago. As soon as her grandmother saw her, she held Kati’s hand.
Kati was surprised by how emotional Fenxiang was, but she understood the reason why. “They were just super excited and missed looking after me for all these years. They were stuck in a system that was so broken. I think there were just a lot of small moments where I saw how much they really cared,” the adopted girl recalled.
38. Two Cultures Clashing
Over time, little problems crept up. For instance, Linda and Fenxiang felt hurt that Kati didn’t call them mom or dad. However, Kati said that in America, kids call their parents by their first name. It was an innocent lie as the adopted girl didn’t want to hurt her biological parents‘ feelings. However, at that time, she still had a difficult time viewing them as parents.
There were also some culture shocks. Fenxiang couldn’t believe Kati worked to earn extra money as her sister, Xiaochen, had never worked. “My Xiaochen here has never had to wash a single bowl,” she said to Kati. “We still feel so much guilt. If we hadn’t abandoned her, she wouldn’t have to suffer so,” Fenxiang commented in an interview.
Equally, when Kati learned how much poverty her parents had to endure as migrant workers, it seemed lightyears away from the childhood she experienced.
39. Getting To Know Her Roots
Kati’s Asian identity was solely based on her appearance until she was able to visit China. “Now, it’s deeper than that. It’s good that I am more in touch with where I came from, but it is also confusing. I am a product of where I grew up, and that is not Asian in any sense of the word,” she said.
Kati felt a little disconnected from her parents as they don’t speak English, and she can’t speak a word of Mandarin. However, she does want to build a relationship with Linda and Fenxiang. While her biological parents are proud of the women she grew up to be, they were also sad when she had to go back to America. They felt grateful to get to see her again, yet they felt desperate to spend time with Kati after so long.
40. Unifying Two Worlds
Nowadays, Kati Pohler is still an adopted girl getting used to the idea of having two sets of parents. Linda and Fenxiang have promised they would be patient while Ruth and Ken are happy she found her way back to them. “We love her dearly, and she knows that. We haven’t lost anything today. We’re just happy for her,” Ken said.
Fenxiang also shared her thoughts on the entire situation: “Now that we have met her, we miss her even more than before. I guess we can only tell ourselves she is like a daughter who has been married off.”
One thing we know for sure is Kati is surrounded by love. “The love is almost overwhelming. I know my adoptive parents love me, and now I have this whole other love that I never knew existed, but I guess was always there.”
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